Rockets of Desire
By Guest Blogger, Tammy Letherer
It’s 5:23 a.m. on a Sunday and I am awake. I reach for my phone. There is no text from my 13-year-old son, who is in China, and my brain jumps straight to the conclusion that he must have gotten lost in a crowded Beijing market. In the pale light of dawn, this thought seems as plausible as any other.
In the space of 24 hours, my three children have been on three separate airplanes. My predominant summer anxiety has always been around how to keep them all busy. This summer they are suddenly off to see the world — my 15-year-old son to a camp in California, my 10-year-old daughter to visit family in New York, and my middle child with his father on the other side of the world. Having them in the air has me feeling ungrounded. To counteract my restlessness, I get up and go into practical mode. I text my ex-husband to make sure Boone has the hotel address in his pocket. I transfer a little money to Lincoln’s debit card for airport food. I text Genevieve a reminder to take her digestive supplements.
As the sun rises, my dark thoughts being to lighten. I tell myself that I’m not worrying, which is, honestly, as tiring and useless as worrying.
That morning at church, we sing one of my favorite songs: I send my love over the mountains. I send my love over the seas. I send my love into the heavens, and it returns to me. Today I hear it in a new way, as a benediction and a promise. I sent my older son over the mountains to California, I sent my younger son over the sea to China, I sent my baby girl into the heavens to New York, and they will all return to me.
I think about all the things I must let go, and how the letting go has to happen before people, experiences, or opportunities can return to me in new and unexpected ways. Irrational fears aside, it’s not really so hard when it comes to children. Letting them go is inevitable, and none of us is alone; every other parent knows what it’s like.
The real struggle is in applying the same spirit of surrender to my other babies — my hopes and dreams, my plans and purpose. I too often fall into trying to wrangle with my goals in a way that focuses on “shoulds” rather than “coulds.”
So I’ve come to a decision: Striving doesn’t suit me. I’m giving it up.
My new “non-work ethic” is inspired by the verse: Not by might, nor by power, but by spirit... (Zechariah 4:6) because I like to go a little Old Testament now and then. But the same idea is found in New Age and New Thought philosophy: Do less and BE more.
When I allow myself to just be and do what I like, my real passions emerge, or are returned to me. Watching my kids develop their interests has made me recall some of my own. In high school, I was a baton twirler, so in a moment of playfulness, I ordered myself a baton. I’ve had a blast throwing it around the house as I fumble my way through old routines. That happiness led to a swing dance class, a Thai cooking class, and finally, to the courage to put together my own class.
It’s all happened naturally, in a spirit of joy. Abraham Hicks talks about launching rockets of desire. Once a rocket is off the ground, there’s nothing to do but watch it light up the sky.
Before long, I hear from my son in China. I open my computer so we can connect on Skype and his face appears. There he is, safe and sound. He excitedly tells me about the really cool thing they did that day: They haggled in the market! He is now the proud owner of a hand-carved wooden sword.
Listening to his story, I have to agree that yes, haggling can be fun — on the streets of Beijing. But do I really want to haggle with Spirit? I can afford to live in trust, knowing that all I love, all that I dream about doing and being, will naturally light my way.
And so can you.
Tammy Letherer is a writer and Healing Touch Certified Practitioner. She previously worked at The Ruby Room, a “spa for the spirit” in Chicago, where she was an Intuitive Healer and angel card reader. She enjoys exploring the energy behind stories and self-talk, and supports clients in “rewriting” their lives. Her blogs about intuition and spirituality appear regularly on The Huffington Post.